


Grief

by kethni



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 05:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13563792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: Healing can be harder than loss.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> With huge thanks to CrazyMaryT for the initial idea and additional material

 

Kent was too groggy and disoriented to feel a knot in his stomach. He should have. He would have, if he had been awake when his cell had begun ringing. But he’d been asleep. It was two a.m. and he was past working all night.

He dragged himself upright and fumbled for the cell. He squinted at the display before accepting the call.

‘Joyce?’ he mumbled. ‘What’s wrong?’

***

He remembered the sound of the tires on the tarmac. He remembered the smell of snow as he got into the car. He remembered the pain in his chest.

He didn’t remember driving to the hospital. Didn’t remember parking. Didn’t remember the maze of hospital corridors.

He would try not to remember walking into the waiting room. He would try not to remember seeing Joyce sat rigidly while tears slid down her face.

He couldn’t forget the look in her eye when she focused on him.

Kent didn’t say anything. Joyce didn’t say anything.

He sat next to her. After a few seconds, he touched her hand.

She grabbed his hand, tightly.

The clock crawled forward. Each second stretched until he was sure that it would snap, and then the next, and the next.

A nurse came to take Joyce to a private room.

Kent clasped his hands together. The seconds were speeding past now. He looked at his cell. Four unread messages from Dan. Two from Amy. That made sense. Who else would Dan tell?

The nurse returned to the waiting room. ‘Would you mind coming through? Mrs Cafferty is rather distressed.’

He knew.

He told himself that he might be wrong. He told himself that he might be jumping to conclusions. He told himself that he might be worrying unnecessarily.

He knew that he wasn’t.

***

‘We’re boned,’ Dan said, pacing the room. ‘Ben’s the B in BKD! What’re we supposed to do without him?’

Kent stood behind one of the conference chairs and gripped the backrest. ‘We carry on.’

Amy nodded. ‘Kent’s right. Partners in companies die but the company carries on.’

Her skin had a greyish tinge. The semi-circles under her eyes were so dark they looked almost bruised.

Dan ran his fingers through his hair. The erratic way that his normally pristine hair was laying proved that it wasn’t the first time he’d done so recently.

‘Maybe we can buy his wife out and –’

‘Her name is Joyce,’ Kent said, ‘and her husband just died.’

Dan cocked his head. ‘You know her pretty well. Maybe when the time is right you can bring the subject up. No pressure.’

Kent’s brows came together in a scowl. ‘She’s my friend.’

Amy sighed. ‘Kent, she’s got kids. Young kids. She’s going to need to sort out her finances. It’s not real romantic but it’s practical.’

Kent stared at her in silence for a few seconds and looked away. ‘Not yet.’

‘What do we do in the meantime?’ Dan asked. ‘Clients are going to worry.’

‘We reassure them,’ Kent said.

Amy nodded. ‘You could consider a memorial for Ben. Invite your clients. Make it big. Make it glossy. Don’t discuss their accounts directly but let them see that things are under control.’

‘They need to see that nobody is panicking,’ Kent said, looking meaningfully at Dan.

Dan smoothed his hair. ‘We’ve lost expertise,’ he said.

‘Agreed,’ Kent drummed his fingers on the chair. ‘However, I think we should consider a more diverse replacement, or replacements. DC is full of post-middle aged white men working as consultants. Broadening our range of expertise can be a selling point.’

Dan jerked a thumb at Amy, who blinked.

‘Me?’ she asked.

‘Would you consider it?’ Kent blew out his cheeks. ‘You could be… senior sector consultant?’

She tapped her foot. ‘Not a partner.’

‘Partners have to buy in,’ Dan said.

‘That could come in time,’ Kent said.

Amy purse her lips. ‘Yes, but I want creche facilities, and I’m not making the coffee and doing secretary shit.’

‘Yes to the creche,’ Kent said. ‘Secretarial work dependant on you recruiting an office administrator.’

‘We’re talking Sue, right?’ Amy checked.

‘Recruit Sue and I’ll give you my office,’ Dan said.

‘You’re not having Ben’s office,’ Kent said to him. ‘Let me talk to Joyce. Then we’ll talk about offices.’

‘Agreed,’ Amy nodded. She looked at Kent. ‘You were going to offer me a creche anyway weren’t you?’

‘Yes,’ he said honestly. ‘Dan’s mentioned several times how expensive and difficult to obtain good child care is.’

She shrugged. ‘I can live with that.’

***

Kent went into Ben’s office to check his emails. He had every right to be there. In a normal day, the three of them were in and out of each other’s offices all the time. Ben’s office was not his sanctuary. Kent _wasn’t_ intruding. Yet discomfort and unease settled on him as he entered the office. He wasn’t intruding, but he felt so strongly that he was.

There was a half cup of coffee on the desk, and another with mould growing in it. Ben was always doing that, it was disgusting. one of these days Kent was going to...

Kent closed his eyes. He took a breath, and released it slowly. He opened his eyes again, and turned on Ben’s computer. He didn’t sit down in the chair. It was an old chair, battered and worn to the shape of Ben’s body. Kent pushed it away. Amy would need her own chair anyway.

They couldn’t afford to pretend that nothing had changed. They couldn’t leave things as they were, no matter how much they might want to. Ben would understand. He’d be the first one to brush aside the old and charge ahead. He didn’t have a spoonful of sentimentality. If Kent had died, he’d have had all Kent’s belongings on the street by now.

Bens computer booted up. His wallpaper was a picture of his kids.

Shit.

***

‘His desk is such a mess! There are papers and photographs and newspapers all shoved in there together! Is his desk at work like that?’ Joyce asked, looking at Kent over her teacup.

‘Yes,’ he said honestly. He had tempted to burn it. ‘Fortunately, between the lawyer and the accountant all the paperwork is taken care of.’

Joyce nodded. ‘I do all the money things,’ she said. ‘Otherwise we might as well be penniless. What’s the point of having life insurance if nobody can find it?’

Kent licked his lips. ‘Are you… uh… Is everything…’

She waved her hand ‘You don’t have to look worried. I arranged the life insurance.’

‘That’s a relief,’ Kent said honestly. ‘Will it... I thought it was his heart? I wasn’t sure that could be insured.’

‘Not Ben’s heart,’ Joyce said wistfully. ‘Big squishy pâté his heart was.’ She pushed back her hair. ‘They say a heart attack caused the accident maybe. It’s too early to be sure. But he died of his injuries.’

Kent turned his cup around and around in the saucer. ‘Did he know you were there?’

She nodded. ‘He knew.’  

‘Apologies,’ Kent said quietly. ‘I had no business asking. It was an insensitive question.’

That made her smile just a little. ‘Please, I’ve been married to Ben all this time. I’ve heard insensitive like you wouldn’t believe.

Kent waggled his hand. ‘I think I might.’

Joyce smoothed her skirt. ‘The funeral is on Friday.’

‘Yes, we got your email.’ Kent adjusted the crease of his pants ‘It’s been suggested that we hold a little gathering for the clients to remember Ben.’

Joyce smiled slowly. ‘Smart. Show them things are in good hands, whose idea was that?’

‘Dan’s... friend, Amy Brookheimer. I’m sure you’ve met her.’ Kent said.

‘Must be a worrying time for you. Still quite a new business and now Ben is gone.’

Kent winced. ‘Joyce, I didn’t come here to –’

‘I know that,’ she said, waving him off. She leaned forward to pat his hand. ‘Will you come to the funeral?’

‘Yes, we hoped to.’

Joyce’s face lit up. ‘We?’

‘Myself, Dan, and Amy,’ he said.

‘Ugh! I thought you were bringing a date!’ she grumbled.

‘To a funeral?’ Kent laughed.

She smiled. ‘Everyone is emotional, worrying about death, you can offer comfort...’

Kent shook his head. ‘That’s horrifying.’

‘You need a nice lady to look after you and for you to look after,’ Joyce said. ‘Some people are happy alone. You’re not.’

‘I should go,’ Kent said.

Joyce sat up straighter. ‘What happens with the business now?’

‘You mean your share?’ Kent put his cup and saucer on the coffee table. ‘That’s up to you. You can be a silent partner and receive the dividends for his shares, or the company can buy you out. Assuming that his share is going to you.’

Joyce tilted her head. ‘The company would buy me out, not you?’

‘I don’t have that kind of capitol to hand,’ Kent said. ‘The company, if you’ll pardon the indelicacy, will have it when the insurance on Ben is paid.’

‘Oh. Is there insurance on you?’

‘And on Dan, yes,’ Kent said. ‘Although not as much on Dan. He doesn’t know that.’

Joyce played with her cup. ‘Do you think I’m heartless asking these questions?’

He shook his head. ‘Everyone worries about money in this situation. You have children to raise. ‘And...’

Joyce looked at him. ‘And?’

‘And Ben would want you to be practical,’ Kent said gently.

‘He could be romantic,’ Joyce said wistfully.

There was a clatter from the next room, and Bev bounced into the room. She had an illicit cookie clutched in her hand, and as she saw the two adults she attempted to hide it by the time-honoured technique of shoving it into her mouth.

Joyce thrust at her hand, palm up. ‘Spit! Spit it out!’

Bev gave Kent an imploring look.

‘Now,’ Joyce insisted. ‘Do you want to go to hospital?’

‘It’s only one,’ Bev mumbled, after spitting it out.

‘Do you think diabetes is a joke?’ Joyce demanded. ‘I’ve already lost your daddy. I’m not losing you too.’

‘Good Lord, Joyce,’ Kent said, as Bev started crying.

‘I have to tell her every day. I’m tired of it! She doesn’t take it seriously!’ Joyce waved her fistful of chewed up cookie at the little girl. ‘I’m just trying to keep you safe! Why won’t you let me.’

Kent stood up. He tentatively put his arm around Joyce’s shoulder. He patted her back as she folded against him.

***

Sue Wilson-Levinson examined her proposed work area with a critical eye.

‘It’s not as prestigious as you’re used to,’ Kent said. ‘But at the same time not nearly as proscribed. You will be able to expand and tailor the role.’

She nodded, and put her bag on the desk. ‘This company is based on the experience and contacts of the staff.’

‘I’m aware you bring a wealth of both.’

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘Amy indicated that you told her partnership might be achievable.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘After two years the partners will consider junior partnership providing that the two years have been successful and that you can purchase an appropriate amount of shares.’

Sue’s mouth twitched. ‘That’s not what you said to see Amy.’

‘We had a chance to discuss it since then,’ he said.

She thought about it. ‘What’s an appropriate amount?’

‘Dan has twenty-five percent,’ Kent said. ‘So, fifteen or twenty percent.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘The protocols should be fixed and the same for everyone.’

Kent nodded. ‘You’re right. We’re in sore need of putting in good order.’ He licked his lips. ‘Is becoming a junior partner something you’d be interested in?’

‘To begin with, and full partner later on.’ She nodded. ‘Yes. I could make something of the role here.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘Why didn’t you ask me yourself?’

‘I was unsure how you would react,’ he admitted. ‘After we parted company our interaction deteriorated. While we worked for President Meyer you were frequently caustic. Shorn of our professional relationship you might have been outright abusive.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she said briskly. ‘If I wanted to abuse you then I would have.’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘I’m unsure if I should be relieved or alarmed.’

She checked her watch. ‘Let’s go for lunch. You can treat me. A little bribery won’t go amiss.’

***

‘How’s Sean?’ Kent asked politely.

‘He’s in good health, thank you.’ Sue slice through her chicken breast. ‘Are you still seeing Julie?’

Kent shook his head. ‘I’m single and fancy free.’ He paused. ‘How did you know about Julie?’

‘I don’t recall. Perhaps Amy mentioned her.’

He snorted. ‘Amy Brookheimer express interest in a colleague’s love-life?’

Sue sipped her water. ‘You have me there. Perhaps it was Gary. I bumped into him several times at Doctor Schuler’s office. He’s my therapist.’

Kent swallowed a mouthful of food. ‘Were you injured kick boxing?’

‘Not that kind of therapist,’ Sue said dryly. ‘The other kind.’

Kent blinked. ‘You’re seeing a therapist?’

‘It’s quite the thing to do,’ Sue said. She gave a small shrug. ‘It was suggested to me that some mental maintenance might be useful. Don’t look like that. It’s not a weakness.’

He played with his fork. ‘I have never thought of mental ill health as a weakness. _You_ on the other hand…’

‘I’m not weak,’ she said severely.

‘Not at all,’ Kent agreed.

Sue pursed her lips. ‘My mother died in the summer.’

Kent put down his cutlery. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said quietly. ‘Was she ill?’

‘A short illness,’ Sue said. ‘It was very sudden. I was very angry.’ She glanced quickly at Kent, assessing his reaction. ‘After three weeks Sean asked me to visit a grief therapist. That was difficult but useful. She suggested anger therapy generally.’

Kent cocked his head. ‘I always thought of anger as your superpower.’

‘You’re confusing me with the Incredible Hulk,’ she said.

‘Ah,’ he said. ‘Easily done.’

‘Don’t tease me, it isn’t appropriate if you’re going to be my boss.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘I’m not sure boss is entirely...’

‘Ben had a marginally larger share, yes?’

‘Five percent more, yes,’ Kent agreed.

‘That makes you currently the living partner with the most shares. The boss, in fact,’ Sue said.

‘We’re hoping to buy Ben’s share from Joyce,’ Kent said.

Sue nodded. ‘How is she?’

‘It’s early,’ Kent said. ‘She has a long way to go.’

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘The funeral is the easy part. You have so many people around and a huge amount of work to do. It occupies your mind. Afterwards, when you have time and space to breathe, is when it gets bad.’

‘She nearly screamed at Bev. That’s not like her,’ Kent admitted.

Sue flicked back a lock of hair. ‘Beware of lonely widows.’

‘She’s my friend,’ he protested.

‘She just lost her husband. You just lost your best friend. Emotions are high. Don’t do anything that you’ll regret.’

Kent frowned. ‘Like employing you?’

‘Nobody ever regretted employing me.’

***

‘I don’t like pants,’ Tony said, sticking out his lower lip.

Kent put his hand on his hip. ‘You wear them every day.’

‘Nuh-oh.’

Kent looked at the shop assistant, who was trying not to smile. ‘He can’t not where pants to his father’s funeral.’

She nascent smile slipped away. ‘Oh dear,’ she said, and sat down in front of Tony. ‘Hey.’

He looked at her cautiously. ‘I don’t like pants.’

‘I know. But your...’ she glanced at Kent. ‘Mom? Dad?’

‘Mom.’

‘Your mom is having a real hard time right now. You wearing pants is how you can help her.’

Tony looked at Kent. ‘Daddy doesn’t like pants.’

Kent clasped his hands together. ‘Well, no. That’s true. However, he always wore them in public. Adults have to do that.’

‘I’m a little boy,’ Tony said.

‘Really? Because you said you were a big boy when I said you were too small to ride in the front seat,’ Kent said.

Tony thought about it. ‘Sometimes I’m too big for things and sometimes I’m too small for things.’

‘Well, Alice in Wonderland, it would be very helpful if you could be a big boy for your father’s funeral tomorrow.’

Tony sighed. ‘I have to wear pants?’

‘Yes,’ Kent said. ‘Unless you’d prefer to wear a dress.’

‘Um. No, thank you.’

The assistant stood up. ‘I think we have kilts.’

‘They’re not Scottish.’ Kent handed a pair of trousers to Tony. ‘Try these on.’

‘You should go in the cubicle with him,’ she said quickly. ‘Really?’

‘Oh God yes. For both our sakes.’

***

It was an odd sensation when Tony took his hand as they went hunting for Joyce and Bev. Kent had moments where affection propelled him to touch an arm, a hand, or offer a back rub. Holding hands was a commitment that he was uncomfortable to make. Having his hand grabbed by a small child was peculiar. He didn’t have children and he entirely lacked the “ _oh my God, so cute!_ ” response. He was used to being uncomfortable with children. He was used to them being uncomfortable with him.

Joyce was arguing with the cashier, while Bev examined costume jewellery with the air of a connoisseur. Tony let go of Kent’s hand and ran over to his mother.

‘The coupon was delivered this morning,’ Joyce said.

‘I don’t know what to tell you. Ma’am, it’s out of date.’

Kent reached in his pocket for his wallet.

‘I can pay!’ Joyce said. She looked at the cashier. ‘It’s the principle.’

Kent took the bags as they were packed, and followed Joyce and the children outside. They reached her car. She popped the trunk and Kent pot the bags inside.

‘When did you actually receive the coupon?’

She looked at him with an expression of surprised innocence. ‘I told her it was this morning.’

‘Yes, but this is me,’ he said. ‘I know you.’

Joyce shrugged easily. If they could afford twenty percent off the they can afford it now.’

‘If that girl had taken your coupon she might’ve been in trouble,’ Kent said.

‘Oh, you’re making that up so I’ll feel bad,’ Joyce said.

They walked across to one of the less neon coloured child-friendly restaurants.

Kent shuddered slightly as he looked around. There were shrieking, screaming children running in all directions.

‘They don’t bite,’ Joyce said, and immediate reconsidered. ‘Okay, some of them bite sometimes.’ She waved her hand. ‘But if you ignore them then they’ll ignore you. Like cats.’

‘That is not like cats,’ Kent said sourly. ‘Ignoring cats generally piques their interest.’

They sat down at a battered table. Kent’s chair had one leg shorter than the others.

‘We’ve never been in here before,’ Joyce said cheerfully.

Kent frowned. ‘Then why choose now to visit?’

She smiled impishly. ‘I wanted to see your face.’

‘Good joke,’ Kent said dryly. ‘Tony just ate something from the floor.’


	2. Chapter 2

 

The house was always quiet. it was one of the things that Kent most appreciated about it. Work was generally a chaotic cacophony of sound. Kent fed his cat, Lily, got a shower, and put on some quiet music. Lily hopped up onto his office chair, between the music system speakers, to listen.

‘You’ll go deaf,’ Kent said, scratching her head between her ears.

She purred and bunted his hand.

Kent lived alone. He had lived his entire post-college life alone. There had been times when he thought that might change. There had been women with whom he had hoped, sometimes wistfully and sometimes intently, to make a life. That hadn’t happened. There were various reasons for that, none that he particularly wished to dwell on. Kent wasn’t a bitter man. He tried not to live in regret.

Friends helped. Kent was aware that he was not a man who made friends quickly or easily. He did have friends though. Good ones, who he had for many years. Most of them were around his own age, although some were younger, and most of them were married. Some had drifted or parted ways after an argument. Ben was the first friend he’d ever lost in such a final way.

It hadn’t been an easy or uncomplicated friendship. They had never really stopped butting heads. Kent had difficulty connecting with people. Ben had difficulty opening up. Kent was awkward and uncomfortable positioning himself as a friend. Ben pushed back against vulnerability and affection.

Kent made himself a coffee, sat on his couch, and squeezed his eyes shut. No more arguments. No more insults. No more finding his desk rearranged or his books randomly pushed in on the shelves.

Kent put his head in his hands. He didn’t know what he was going to do.

***

The funeral was huge. There were three former presidents, five former prime ministers, a handful of current cabinet ministers, and dozens of current and former representatives. There were also Ben’s former wives, girlfriends, and lovers, along with children.

‘Damn, Ben, had game,’ Dan said approvingly.

‘You _would_ think a string of exes and unplanned children are a goal to aspire to,’ Amy said tartly.

‘Do what you’re good at,’ Dan said.

Joyce walked through the crowd, handing off well-wishers, and stopped in front of them.

‘We’re so terribly sorry for your loss,’ Dan said, clasping her hand.

‘Yeah, let us know if there’s anything...’ Amy said, dragging her attention from the assembled mourners.

‘I’ll tell you if I need a toy boy,’ Joyce said, winking at Dan. ‘Kent, will you sit on my left and the rest of your staff can sit next to you. Sue is already there.’

‘I’d be honoured,’ Kent said.

‘There will be drinks afterwards,’ Joyce said. ‘Think of all networking you can do.’

‘We’re not here for that,’ Kent protested.

‘You’re not,’ Joyce said.

They followed her to the front of the church. That had been surprising. It was difficult to think of Ben as devout since he was about the most lapsed Catholic that Kent have ever met. If that was ever in doubt, his ex-wives on the next pew would have settled the argument.

‘Do you know Sarah, Jenny, and Iwana?’ Joyce asked.

‘ _I’m_ Sarah,’ said the woman introduced as Jenny.

‘You are Ben’s business partner?’ Iwana asked.

‘Myself and Dan.’

‘Was Ben’s business worth much?’ Iwana asked.

‘ _Our_ business is growing,’ Dan said.

‘This isn’t really appropriate conversation for a funeral,’ Kent said, narrowing his eyes. ‘Perhaps it’s a topic better left for later.’

‘You’re always going to have excuse Iwana,’ Jenny said. ‘She’s not a gold digger. She just doesn’t know how to talk to actual human beings.’

Iwana’s eyes opened. ‘I was asking a polite question.’

‘No, dear, you asked a very impolite question,’ Sarah said. ‘But we know you tried.’

Kent glanced at small group of morose children. Bev, Tony, a girl in her early teens, and a boy about eighteen or nineteen. The oldest boy looked a lot like Ben, although he was darker and slimmer.

‘His name is Jason,’ Sue murmured.

Kent glanced at her. ‘Why do you know that?’

She raised an eyebrow. ‘I know everything.’

Jason was sat crushed against the end of pew. His puffy red face was turned to the ground.

‘A cold flannel will help with that,’ Kent said, walking over.

Jason looked up. His eyes were bloodshot, red rimmed, and with heavy, dark smudges underneath. ‘Huh?’

‘A cold flannel will reduce the swelling and redness on your face,’ Kent said. ‘I had to use one this morning.’

Jason dried his face on his sleeve. ‘You’re my dad’s friend.’

‘Yes, I’m Kent.’

‘That’s what I said.’ Jason rubbed his eyes and sniffled.

Kent handed him a handkerchief. ‘I can’t help wondering what he’d make of all this.’

Jason managed a smile. ‘He’d love it. He makes out like he doesn’t want a lot of attention, but he does. Everyone talking about all his stories and stuff he got up to, he’d be all over that.’ Jason stood up, wiped them on his pants, and held his hand out to Kent. ‘Thank you, sir. It was nice of you to say hello.’

‘It was good to meet you,’ Kent said, squeezing his hand. He turned around and walked back to his seat. Kent’s father had died when Kent was thirty-seven. That had been a hugely distressing and disorienting event, completely fracturing his life into the before and the after.

For Bev and Tony, it would be confusing and upsetting. But they were young. In time they would probably move on. The others were old enough to remember Ben and to be crushed by his death, but too young to have established strong personalities independent of him. It was a terrible time for them to lose him. Perhaps the worst possible time.

People were taking their seats and settling down. Sue sat on Kent’s other side. She was wearing a smart black suit that she’d worn before, but never with the skyscraper heels. As she put her hand over Kent’s, he noticed that even her nail varnish was a soft, muted neutral colour.

For Sue, that small, unprompted gesture, her hand over his, was as intense as a full hug would be for anyone else.

Kent let out a breath. He looked at Joyce. Beneath the makeup she was pale and drawn. As she bit her lip and gathered herself, Kent looked away.

***

‘Would anyone like to say a few words?’

Joyce nudged Kent with her elbow. He shook his head silently. She nudged him again but stopped when they heard heels tapping on the marble floor.

Selina Meyer took her place in front of the congregation. Kent squeezed the bridge of his nose. Then he closed his eyes and let his mind drift off.

***

Ben would have approved of the amount of alcohol flowing. As Joyce had predicted, there was a lot of networking. Ben would probably have approved of that too.

Even so, Kent left the room, and walked out into the garden. It was early evening, but it felt later. Kent sighed as he sat down on a stone seat. He didn’t feel old. Not in himself. In himself he felt... thirty. That was about right. He’d never had the aches and stiffness everyone seemed to consider a basic fact of growing older. He was grey, sure, but that had happened in his thirties.

He didn’t feel old, until he heard people talking about Ben having had “a good run.” He’d been barely sixty-five. Ben didn’t look after himself, and his medical history was terrifying, but a good run at sixty-five? He’d had plans. Ideas. Ambitions. Would they say the same thing about Kent if he died tomorrow? A lifetime cut short, a life ended, gone. A complicated, flawed, exasperating human being, irreplaceable and unique, had gone forever, and people were drinking, and making conversation.

‘Oh hey, I just came out for a...’

Kent looked around. Selina Meyer blinked, and reddened. She waved the cigarette she was holding.

‘A smoke.’ She pulled a Kleenex from her pocket and held it out. ‘You’re gonna get your beard all soggy.’

She sat down next to him and studiously looked ahead while Kent dried his eyes.

‘Ben would love this, huh?’ she suggested. ‘Everyone getting trashed in his memory.’

Kent nodded. ‘He would.’

‘Even the widow has been knocking them back.’ Selina put her hand on his shoulder as he started to stand. ‘Sit down. She’s a grownup. Stop fucking trying to fix Ben’s messes.’

Kent sighed.

She lit her cigarette. ‘I was gonna call him. Catch up.’

‘Time slips past.’ Kent said.

‘You didn’t say anything. I was expecting you to get up.’ Selina drew deep on her cigarette. ‘You won, right? You’re here. He’s not.’

Kent shook his head. ‘The rivalry was always from him. He was the one who initiated any petty bickering.’

‘Maybe. But you responded. Not even Ben could bicker alone.’

Kent looked down at his hands. ‘How’s Catherine?’

‘The usual,’ Selina said. ‘But I’ve had this great idea. You know, to really establish my legacy.’

***

The office was busy. The client memorial for Ben had soothed all kinds of jitters, but clients were still coming in to discuss who would head their accounts, or just to nose around. There was plenty of that too.

They had a brief team catch up over lunch. Kent came in from meeting Ben’s lawyer and slumped into his chair.

‘Bad news?’ Amy asked. ‘It’s bad news.’

‘It’s far from ideal,’ Kent said. ‘Ben did not leave Joyce all his share of the business. Some, but not all.’

Dan bit through the cracker he was holding. ‘What? Who did he leave the rest to?’

‘His ex-wives,’ Kent said. ‘However, Ben also decided to make me the executor of his will. While I am deciding who gets to keep Ben’s red underpants or mouldering books, I will attempt to agree a price with the ladies.’

‘Did you piss Ben off?’ Amy asked.

‘Evidently one of us did,’ Kent said.

Dan straightened his tie. ‘I can talk to Joyce and the blonde, she was definitely interested.’

Kent looked at Amy, who shrugged.

‘I don’t see why some random bimbo should have shares when I don’t,’ she said. She flicked back her hair. ‘Speaking of random bimbos, I have a prospective client.’

Kent scratched his ear. ‘This doesn’t sound like a very promising beginning.’

‘She’s not our usual kind of client,’ Amy admitted. ‘She has a tell-all book she’s touting.’

‘She needs an agent not us,’ Dan said.

‘An agent isn’t going to be able to deal with potentially dozens of lawsuits, arrests, all that stuff. She needs someone to coordinate. It’ll broaden our exposure.’

‘Why arrests?’ Kent asked.

Amy crossed her arms. ‘She was not dating these men for fun. There was some financial compensation.’

‘A prostitute,’ Kent said. ‘Writing a slanderous memoir about her illegal trade.’

‘Are there any celebrities?’ Dan asked. ‘People don’t want to hear about politicians having sex.’

‘There are actors and musicians,’ Amy said. ‘So, how about it, Kent?’

He tapped his knuckles on the table. ‘I need to speak to her and see this book. This could put us in a very exposed position.’

Amy frowned but nodded. ‘Okay, I’ll set it up.’

‘Anything else?’ Dan asked.

‘One thing,’ Kent said. ‘Relatively minor I hope. Iwana asked if Jason, Ben’s oldest, could intern here. She thinks it will enrich his college applications.’

‘I don’t think it would be a good idea to have a teenage boy helping me with Thea Lancôme,’ Amy said. ‘And Dan shouldn’t corrupt him.’

‘Can I corrupt him off the clock?’ Dan asked with a grin.

Kent held up his hands. ‘I’ll tell her yes and that he’ll be working for me.’

‘I’ll lock up the booze,’ Amy said.

‘I don’t think he takes after Ben quite to that extent,’ Kent said.

***

Jason blushed bright red and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. ‘Jesus, mom,’ he muttered.

Kent looked at Iwana. ‘I’m sorry. Have I misunderstood something?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Jason is too cowardly to ask you, so I did it.’

‘I was gonna ask!’ Jason protested.

‘When?’ Iwana asked. ‘You do this. You make plans and are afraid to pursue them.’ She ruffled his hair.

Kent smiled when Jason pulled a face at them.

‘Perhaps we can discuss the fine details of the role?’ Kent suggested.

‘That means go away, mom,’ Jason said. ‘He’s being polite.’

Iwana nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll be downstairs.’

Kent pursed his lips as she left. ‘That was a little... unnecessary.’

‘She’s not good with social situations,’ Jason said. ‘But she doesn’t realise most of the time, so I have to tell her. Then she can, you know, recalibrate. I know it probably seems weird but it’s what works for us.’

Kent pursed his lips. ‘I’m familiar with the concept. Is your mother going to be able to get through the day without you?’

Jason squirmed. ‘She’s not… She has some anxiety, but she just needs a little help here are there.’

Kent clasped his hands together. ‘Well, I understand that things can be… complicated. If at any point you need time to care for your mother, then you only need to say. Details aren’t required.’

Jason smiles sweetly. ‘Thanks Mr Davison.’

***

Two months later.

Thea Lancôme stalked out of the offices. Sue put down her pen and pinned Kent with a look.

‘Why are we dealing with that woman?’

‘Anyone would think you didn’t like her.’

‘Anyone would be correct,’ she said. ‘This is the twenty-first century. There are a great many arenas in which women may exceed other than selling their bodies.’

‘Renting, I think you’ll find,’ Kent said.

Sue threw a candy at him from the jar on her desk. ‘Be serious.’

He came closer to her desk. ‘Okay, if we work for her, then she has to let us read her book, which means seeing precisely who is in it. We could then steer her to omit certain passages about certain persons. Helping her avoid legal and political Armageddon is what she’s paying us for.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you in the book?’

‘No.’ He scratched his head. ‘But a number of our clients are. Also, Ben.’

Sue’s eyes widened. ‘Ben?’

‘Amy met Thea at his funeral,’ Kent said. ‘I haven’t told Joyce yet. She’s going to be crushed.’

‘Don’t tell her. Have Lancôme take him out,’ Sue said firmly. ‘Joyce has suffered enough.’

Kent sat on the edge of the desk. ‘We can’t take out all connections to us and all our clients, it would be too obvious. Ben is already gone.’

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘Joyce isn’t. I don’t know why you’re pretending that you’re going to go ahead with this. We both know you won’t let it happen.’

‘I’ll talk to Joyce,’ Kent said. ‘That’s the best I can do.’

Sue touched the intercom. ‘Jason, come to reception.’

‘What’re you doing?’ Kent asked suspiciously.

‘Calling Jason here.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re due to take the share sales contract to Joyce,’ Sue said. ‘Jason is getting restive stuck in the office doing your filing. He can meet Joyce.’

‘I can shock him with the fact his father visited a high-class hooker,’ Kent suggested.

‘He’s not a child,’ Sue said. ‘Nor is he an innocent.’

Kent narrowed his eyes. ‘What are you basing that on?’

‘The fact that he explained the “choke me, daddy” meme to Amy without the slightest hint of embarrassment.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘Evidently having a “daddy” kink is quite common in the millennial generation.’

‘That is....’ Kent stopped abruptly as Jason jogged into the room.

‘Did you want me?’ Jason asked.

‘Yes,’ Sue said severely. ‘That’s why I called you.’

He gave her a grin as if she’d made a very clever joke. Sue’s mouth twitched in a small smile.

***

Kent gripped the steering wheel. He glanced across at Jason. ‘Joyce is a very… agreeable woman,’ he said.

Jason nodded. ‘Okay.’

‘A little nervous?’ Kent prompted.

‘My mom doesn’t like Dad’s other families,’ Jason admitted.

‘That’s understandable. But my understanding is that Ben was single when he met Joyce.’

‘Not married, anyway,’ Jason said. He scratched the window with his fingernail. ‘I don’t think he ever got the hang of fidelity.’

Kent set his shoulders. He felt particularly ill-equipped to have this conversation with anyone. ‘One of the most painful periods or my life was coming to terms with the fact that my parents were flawed and made terrible errors of judgement.’

Jason turned in his seat. ‘What did they do that was so awful?’

‘My father... had some substance issues,’ Kent said carefully. ‘As a child I think you assume that if your parent is angry then you must have done something wrong. That’s not necessarily the case. Perhaps it’s rarely the case.’

‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,’ Jason said quietly. ‘I get it’s personal.’

Kent sighed. ‘It’s a balance I’m trying to strike, between being your employer, and your father’s friend.’

‘My dad drank,’ Jason said. ‘All the time.’

‘But he wasn’t aggressive.’ Kent hesitated. ‘He wasn’t, was he?’

‘Oh, God no! ‘Jason put his hand on Kent’s knee. ‘Sorry!’

Kent relaxed. ‘For a moment there I was... concerned.’

‘My dad would never do anything like that.’ Jason moved his hand. ‘But if your dad was... I mean. You’d know. It wouldn’t be a shock.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘Realising why it happened was a complex experience. But, and I’m not proud of this, my mother’s behaviour was more distressing.’

‘She did it too?’

‘Oh no,’ Kent said quickly. ‘But she stayed. As an adult I’m aware of various cultural and economic pressures on her. As a child it never occurred to me that she could leave. But as a teenager all I knew was that she could have left, she could have taken us with her, but she didn’t.’

Jason was quiet for a few seconds. ‘When dad left, I blamed mom. I wanted him to take me with him.’

‘You must have been very young,’ Kent said.

‘Three.’

Kent shook his head. ‘Don’t blame yourself. Children that age have barely enough judgement not to eat shoes.’

Jason giggled.

‘Your father was proud of you,’ Kent said.

‘He barely remembered he had kids.’

Kent glanced at him. ‘You know how networked electronics have names? You can name computers, phones, Kindles, etc?’

‘Sure, I guess.’

‘Your father’s office computer was called _Jason_. His laptop was called _Kimberly_. His tablet was called _Bev_ and his phone was called _Tony_. If he’d had any more children, he’d have needed more devices.’

Jason looked at him. ‘You’re making that up,’ he said uncertainly.

‘Ask Joyce. She has no reason to lie to you,’ Kent suggested.

Jason adjusted his seatbelt. ‘Was my dad a good friend?’

‘No, he was a terrible friend.’ Kent said honestly. ‘I miss him every day.’

***

‘So, this is business?’ Joyce said looking them both up and down. ‘ln your suits and carrying your briefcases.’

‘I have sandwiches in mine,’ Jason said. ‘Peanut butter and banana.’ 

Joyce smiled. ‘I can see Ben in you.’

‘There’s no need to insult the boy,’ Kent said.

They followed her into the kitchen, where she got out some cups. Kent flicked on the coffee machine.

‘This is to sign the contract for the shares?’ Joyce asked.

‘Partly,’ Kent said uneasily.

Joyce patted his arm. ‘It’s okay. What’s the other thing?’

Kent licked his lips. ‘We’ve been asked to help with a book. It’s not our usual bailiwick but... well. It’s a kiss-and-tell written by a… courtesan.’

‘Kiss?’ Joyce said, making coffee. ‘Nobody hires a hooker to kiss.’

‘Famously not,’ Jason said.

They looked at him.

‘My mom likes Julia Robert’s movies,’ he said.

Joyce shook her head. ‘Iwana watched _Pretty Woman_?’

Kent waved his hands. ‘I fear we’re getting off topic.’

‘Yes, yes,’ Joyce said. ‘Fuck-and-tell book.’ She straightened her shoulders. ‘Ben is in the book?’

‘Yes.’

Kent took a step back when she gripped the rolling pin.

‘Since he married me?’ she asked.

‘Yes, on and off for the past twenty –’

Joyce stormed out of the kitchen and into the garden.

‘Shit.’ Jason slumped into a chair.

Kent put his hand on Jason’s shoulder. ‘Will you be alright for a moment? I should talk to her.’

Jason nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah. I’ll wait here.’

‘I won’t be long.’ Kent promised. He squeezed Jason’s shoulder, and followed Joyce outside.

She was using the rolling pin to smash the heads off flowers.

‘Joyce?’

‘Did you know?’ she demanded, waving the rolling pin at him.

‘No, I didn’t.’

Her shoulders dropped. ‘Would you have told me?’

Kent sighed. ‘No, I don’t think so.’

She swore in Chinese. Then she shoved him in the shoulder with the rolling pin. ‘Men! You always protect each other.’

‘It’s not about that!’ he protested.

‘You’re supposed to be my friend,’ she snarled.

‘I wasn’t then,’ he said.

She slapped him. ‘You’re telling me this why? It’s going to be in a _book_?’

Kent swallowed. ‘Yes.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘You could do something to stop it.’

Kent looked in the eye. ‘We could but we won’t.’

She folded her arms. ‘Why?’

‘Ben cannot be hurt any more. We need to protect our clients, otherwise we won’t have any.’

Joyce looked him in the eye. ‘If I asked you to do it. For me. For my children. Would you?’

Kent rubbed his eyes. ‘Please don’t ask me to do that.’

‘Would you?’

He sighed. ‘It would be the wrong decision but... yes. I would.’

She nodded. ‘I want thirty percent more for the shares.’

‘What?’

‘You profit on Ben’s infidelity, I want my share,’ she said. ‘And the others. They will suffer too.’ She poked Kent in the chest. ‘Just business. Right?’

‘Right,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ll clear it with Dan and the others.’

‘Now go explain to Jason,’ she said. ‘That poor boy.’  


	3. Chapter 3

Kent pushed his food around his plate. Sue tightly tapped his hand.

‘Don’t play with your food,’ she said.

He looked at her. ‘Should I have asked its permission first?’

Sue sat down and opened up her salad. ‘Why are you still sulking? The book is getting a huge advance, you protected most of our clients, and Joyce and Ben’s former wives are financially stable.’

Kent scowled at her. ‘I’m not sulking.’

‘Yes, you are,’ she said. ‘It’s unmanly. Man up.’

‘Well, that sounds like toxic masculinity to me,’ He retorted.

Sue took a bite of her salad. ‘Are you upset because Joyce is still angry at you?’

‘I’m not upset,’ Kent said flatly.

Sue flicked his nose. ‘Kent, there are things you are good at lying about and people you are good at lying to. This is not one of those things and I am not one of those people.’

He shook his head. ‘It’s just... she’s cool with me. Tense.’

‘Why does that bother you?’ Sue asked.

He frowned. ‘Because we were friendly.’

‘It’s been almost three months since Ben died,’ Sue said. ‘She is no longer in the throes of grief. Jason has been helping out.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘She doesn’t need her dead husband’s best friend hanging around like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Dating will be difficult enough with young children.’

Kent rested his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand. ‘Please tell me how this is supposed to make me feel better?’

‘It’s supposed to motivate you to go out and meet more people. You don’t date, and you have hardly any friends. It’s unhealthy.’

‘You hate your friends,’ Kent said.

‘That’s not the point. I have them. Social isolation is extremely unhealthy.’ She looked at him thoughtfully. ‘I should have a dinner party.’

‘No.’

‘Yes. You can meet new people,’ she said.

‘Sue –’

‘I’ll even invite Joyce if you really insist,’ she said.

‘No,’ Kent said. ‘I am absolutely not doing that.’

Kent brought a reasonable bottle of wine to the dinner party. Sue was much more knowledgeable about wine than he was, but it had been difficult to find recommendations. Sue nodded in grudging appreciation, which he knew was the best he was going to get.

Her husband gave him a hearty handshake. He was one of those sorts. The sort who clapped people of the shoulder and thought you could walk off any injury short of decapitation. But he looked at Sue as if he couldn’t believe how lucky he was, and that deserved a lot of good will.

***

Kent, Joyce, and Jason huddled at one end of the room. The rest of the guests were from Sue’s tenure working for President Montez.

‘Is it too late to go and get a burger?’ Joyce wondered.

‘Yes,’ Kent said firmly.

‘Shit.’

‘That’s the president,’ Jason said. ‘The _actual_ president.’

‘Surely you’ve met a president before?’ Kent asked. ‘There were three former ones at Ben’s funeral.’

‘Not met like this! That was, you know, sorry for your loss, great man, where’s the rest room?’

Joyce waved her hand. ‘They’re just people. Mostly dumb people.’

‘Then why do you want to get a burger instead?’ Jason asked.

‘Because she thinks China and Japan are the same,’ Joyce said. ‘Don’t even start me on what she thinks about the rest of Asia.’

Kent winced. ‘I imagine that is extremely aggravating.’

Sue walked over to them. She folded her arms. ‘Why are you all hiding in the corner?’

‘I don’t like them, Jason is nervous, and Kent is shy,’ Joyce said.

‘I’m not shy,’ Kent protested.

‘Call it networking,’ Sue said, taking Jason’s arm. She looked at Kent. ‘I’m coming back for you.’

‘Please don’t feel obliged,’ he said quickly.

Joyce shook her head as Sue towed Jason away. Kent leaned back against the wall. Joyce looked at him from under her eyelashes.

‘Sue looks nice,’ she said innocently.

Kent sipped his drink. ‘She always dresses smartly.’  He looked at Joyce. ‘Don’t look at me like that.’

‘Like what?’

He shook his head. ‘As if you are implying something.’

‘You don’t have a little crush on her anymore?’ Joyce teased.

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘No. My friendship with Sue is purely platonic and I am happy with that.’ He looked at her. ‘Are you talking to me now?’

‘I never wasn’t talking to you,’ she said. ‘I’m not a teenager.’

‘You were... unfriendly towards me,’ he said tentatively.

‘I was angry. Do you want to argue about it _here_?’

Kent set his shoulders. ‘I’d rather not argue about it anywhere.’

She played with her glass. ‘No?’

‘No,’ he said. ‘I’d rather just... move forward.’

Joyce thought about it. ‘Okay.’

Sue walked back to them.

‘Please tell me you didn’t leave a naive young man to be influenced by the evil empire,’ Kent said.

‘No,’ Sue said. ‘I left him flirting outrageously with a reporter from the _Washing Post_.’

Joyce craned her neck. ‘He looks a little young for Jason.’

‘He looks at least thirty-five,’ Kent said, frowning.

‘Exactly,’ Joyce said. ‘He likes older.’

‘That doesn’t seem like a good idea,’ Kent said.

‘You’re not his father,’ Sue said. ‘And he wouldn’t want you to be.’ She took Kent’s arm. ‘Come and meet people from the evil empire who can help our clients.’

Kent looked over his shoulder at Joyce. ‘Save me?’

‘I need to finish my drink first,’ she said.

***

‘Why don’t you take Joyce home,’ Sue said, straightening Kent’s collar.

‘She lives in the other direction,’ Kent said.

Sue’s husband slid his arm around her waist. ‘Suze, come on, you said you wouldn’t match make.’

Kent blinked. ‘Match make?’

‘I’m not,’ Sue said. ‘It was only a suggestion.’

‘It’s a significant detour,’ Kent said. ‘As I’m sure you know.’

Sue narrowed her eyes.’ Would it be so terrible to spend some time alone with a single woman?’

‘Suze, come on.’ Her husband turned her around and kissed her. ‘You’re gonna be annoyed at yourself in the morning.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Fine.’ She kissed him and ducked away. ‘Think about it, Kent.’

Her husband looked sheepishly at Kent. ‘She means well.’

‘Joyce is _grieving_ ,’ Kent said. ‘It would be hideously insensitive and wildly inappropriate to even suggest...’

He gave Kent an odd look. ‘Okay, man. But you know, it’s been a few months. She’s probably lonely.’

Kent squared his shoulders. ‘That’s an even better reason not to give her the wrong impression.’

***

Kent drove Jason home. The young man was a little tipsy, but Kent didn’t blame him for that. He worked hard, he put in a lot of time helping Iwana out at home, and it was hardly outrageous for a boy his age.

‘You okay?’ Jason asked, lolling back against the car door.

‘Me?’

‘Yup.’ Jason rubbed his eye. ‘My dad said Sue broke your heart.’

Kent shook his head. ‘That sounds far too romantic for Ben.’

‘He got married four times.’ Jason said. ‘Gotta be a romantic to do that.’

‘Hmm.’ Kent tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel. ‘I can see the logic there.’

Jason smiled brightly. ‘Thanks.’

‘But my feelings for Sue in the past, are in the past, things have moved on. We have both grown and our relationship has completely evolved. Sue is happily married, and I am happy for it to be so.’

Jason stretched out. ‘Why aren’t you married?’

‘That’s a little over-familiar,’ Kent complained.

‘Drunk, sorry,’ Jason mumbled.

‘I never found someone who wanted to commit to me,’ Kent said. ‘I’m not... smooth. I’m not charming. I’m not young.’

Jason rubbed his eyes with his fist. ‘Hmm. So, your problem is shitty self-esteem?’

‘Don’t feel obliged to give me a pep talk,’ Kent said dryly.

Jason nudged his knee. ‘Just saying. If you were gay, I would be all over you.’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘I will keep that in mind, thank you.’

***

The storm had been forecast, but the wall of rain, hard enough to bounce on the roads, took everyone by surprise. The vicious wind ripped fences and roofs free. Cars pushed through the whirling water that was quickly rising to swamp their tyres.

Amy and Dan called in that the roads near them were impassable. Kent was near enough to go into work and make everything as safe as possible. After her finished, he made himself a mug of chamomile tea and turned on the news.

It was getting worse. Fortunately, Kent was used to working from home. It looked as though travelling further than he could walk was probably going to be problematic for the foreseeable future.

His phone rang. That was mildly surprising given the weather. Kent checked the caller ID.

‘Joyce?’

***

Kent’s car skidded and skewed as he fought to keep it on the road, spraying water in all directions.

The windscreen was a kaleidoscope of shapes and colours. He dragged the car over to the side of the road, and slammed his hand on the horn three times. He got out of the car, and ran over to the house as Joyce was opening the door. He grabbed Bev, and two suit cases, and ran back to the car. When he glanced back he saw Joyce towing Tony and Woofer.

The dog.

Kent put Bev in the back seat and belted her in. As he turned around, Joyce handed him Woofer, and ran around the other side to put Tony in the car.

Kent scrabbled around the car and climbed inside. His clothes were slick to his skin, water ran down his hair and his body, seeping into the car seat, and pooling in his shoes.

He glanced at Joyce. ‘Ready?’

‘Yes!’

Kent looked again. ‘Have you changed… something?’

Joyce flushed. ‘This is not the time!’

He shrugged, and pulled the car out.

The traffic was a series of clots in the lifeblood of the city. Where it came it utterly blocked the road, and everywhere else the road was utterly empty of vehicles.

But only of vehicles. There were branches, bushes, garbage cans, and a miscellany of other artefacts of daily life scattered in the road. They were pounded by the rain, whirling them across the road, and slamming them against the car.

Tony was crying. Bev was staring wide-eyed out of the window.

‘Not far now,’ Kent promised.

‘I know,’ Joyce said. She had hardly spoken during the drive. She had grown increasingly pale and tense. Her hands gripped the handles of her handbag, throwing the berry nail polish she was wearing into sharp relief.

Kent didn’t remember noticing nail polish before. Not that it was the kind of thing he normally noticed. He was aware of the overall effect; of clothes, of hairstyle, and of makeup, and he noticed when _something_ was different. It took a concerted and deliberate effort to determine specifically what was different.

The fact that the torrential raiun has made Joyce’s makeup run certainly helped in that respect. Her eyes were panda-like, although the dark berry lipstick had barely bled.

‘Do you want a Kleenex?’ he asked.

‘I have small children. I always have Kleenex.’ She glanced at him. ‘Has my makeup run?’

He looked at the black moons around her eyes, and the trickles down her cheeks. ‘A... little.’

She dabbed her face. ‘I haven’t worn any in months. I just wanted to look nice.’

‘You always look nice,’ he said gallantly.

‘It’s not for you! Men always think makeup and nice clothes are for them. Women want to feel nice for ourselves.’

Kent glanced at her. ‘I didn’t think it was for me,’ he said, perplexed. ‘I only meant that you always dress and groom neatly.’

‘Oh,’ Joyce said. She chewed her lower lip. ‘You too.’

Kent dragged the car up the driveway and squinting through the glass. ‘There’s no lights on.’

‘Maybe they didn’t make it home yet,’ Joyce said. ‘When I spoke to my mom they were at the market.’

‘Or there’s no electricity,’ he said.

‘it doesn’t have a tree stuck through the window, and broken glass everywhere,’ Joyce said.

‘Good point.’

The rain was a little less intense here, but the wind was still high. Kent carried Bev over to the house, with the little girl pressing her face into his chest. Joyce followed with Tony and Woofer. She fumbled with the key before getting the door open.

Inside was dark, and the only sound was the storm.

‘I hope they’re okay,’ Joyce said.

‘The police might have closed the roads.’ Kent put Bev down on the couch. ‘I’ll get the cases.’

‘Be careful,’ Joyce said.

Kent nodded, and went back out into the storm.

***

There was no electricity, but Joyce had little candles and boiled water over a little gas camping stove. Tony and Bev huddled up together upstairs in a sleeping bag, while Joyce tried to make coffee.

‘I should be taken you somewhere with better conditions,’ Kent said, looking through the large picture window.

‘Ooh, I always wanted to visit Paris!’ she said.

Kent chuckled. ‘Would be a long drive.’

‘It was my choice to come here,’ she said.

He turned around. ‘Ben never took you to France?’

‘To Versailles,’ she said. ‘Like the one in Kentucky, but pronounced the French way.’

‘Aren’t there famous gardens there?’

‘And a palace,’ Joyce said. ‘You can see this farm Marie-Antoinette had built so she could play at being a milk maid.’

‘Good Lord,’ Kent said, shaking his head.

‘Gold and jewels everywhere, and silly girls playing milkmaid while peasants starved.’ She looked at Kent. ‘I think sometimes, was he telling me something? Then I think, no. This is Ben. His idea of subtle is yelling in your ear.’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘He probably had a staffer book the vacation and didn’t properly explain.’

Joyce nodded. ‘I know.’ She looked at the camp fire. ‘I cried every day,’ she said. ‘For hours every day. Then once a day. Now it’s three or four times a week,’ she said softly. ‘It hasn’t even been a year.’

Kent came and sat beside her. ‘In Victorian era in England there was full mourning for some time, then half mourning, a whole chiaroscuro of clothing depending on how long you had been grieving.’

Joyce looked at him uncertainly. ‘Okay.’

‘They understood that grieving is a process,’ Kent said. ‘It takes time. It’s not all or nothing.’

‘Oh.’ Joyce looked at him. ‘I guess.’

Kent sighed ‘I’m not good at this.’ He patted her hand vaguely.

She managed a smile. ‘You’re a nice man, Kent.’

‘I... I don’t know how to respond to that,’ he admitted.

Joyce nodded. ‘I know.’ She looked out of the window. ‘Do you miss him? Is that a rude question?’

‘I do.’ Kent looked down at his hands. ‘Are Bev and Tony coping alright?’

Joyce looked back. ‘The therapist helps. They’re young. I heard Kimberly got into trouble for vandalising the school.’

Kent shook his head. ‘She wrote on a wall. The school were overreacting. We found an advocate to sort it all out.’ He pushed his fingers through his hair. ‘They’ve put her on a very low dose of an anti-depressant.’

Joyce clucked her tongue. ‘So young.’

‘Old enough to need them.’

Joyce looked at him. ‘I have them too.’

Kent met her gaze. ‘You say that like you’re worried how I might respond.’

‘My husband died. I should be depressed!’

‘He wouldn’t say so,’ Kent argued. ‘You still have to live. You have to look after your kids. Refusing help isn’t heroic and suffering doesn’t prove you loved him.’

‘Ben would tell me to get drink and get laid,’ Joyce said, with a wry smile.

‘That was what he told me when I split up with Sue.’

‘I believe you!’ she laughed and rubbed her hand along his forearm. ‘But you’re over that.’

‘Oh, sure,’ he said. ‘That’s a long time in the past.’

‘Nobody since then?’ she prompted. ‘You’re a handsome man.’

Kent felt himself blush. ‘I’m poor in social situations. I’m told my flirting is painful. I… struggle to connect with people.’

Joyce leaned against him. ‘You need someone to appreciate you properly,’ she said.

He shook his head. ‘It would be nice, but I don’t think it’s probable. There’s little point in worrying about it. It is what it is.’

‘I’ll find your someone,’ Joyce offered.

Kent threw up his hands. ‘Oh, Lord, please no.’

‘I know lots of lovely ladies,’ she protested.

Kent gave her a look. ‘Joyce, you set me up on two blind dates. They were disasters.’

‘But the third time is always the winner,’ she said brightly.

***

Iwana was crying. Kent tentatively patted her shoulder.

‘If you do this when I finish an internship then what are you going to do if I ever get married?’ Jason asked gently. ‘Or have a kid?’

Iwana blew her nose. ‘No children! I am too young to be a grandmother.’ She waved a finger at him. ‘And I am crying because of the lovely party they are having for you."

Jason glanced at Kent. Not quite embarrassed, but definitely wondering how he was taking it.

‘It’s a great party,’ Jason said, squeezing her hand.

‘Sue is an exceptionally gifted organiser,’ Kent said.

‘Oh! I forgot!’ Iwana dug in her capacious bag and yanked out a small box wrapped in glittery paper. ‘I have a gift for her.’ They watched her march off towards Sue.

‘Mom’s a little uncomfortable in social situations,’ Jason said. ‘She always worries that I’ll have trouble making friends. The party is really a big deal for her.’ He was watching Kent’s face. ‘For both of us.’

Kent squeezed his shoulder. ‘I’m not unempathetic to her experience.’

Jason relaxed. ‘Do you think she’s going to manage when I’m at college?’ he asked.

Kent pursed his lips. ‘Have you discussed it with her?’

‘I can’t! She’ll get so upset and... and...’

‘Jason, you’re wildly underestimating your mother,’ Kent said firmly. ‘She’s a grown woman. She raised an intelligent, thoughtful son, I’m sure almost entirely on her own. You can’t live your life for her.’

Jason stared at him. ‘You don’t think I’m being selfish?’

‘Not for a moment.’ Kent put his hand on hip. ‘Do you want to dance?’

Jason started to giggle. ‘With you?’

‘Sure. Why not?’

‘I would love that,’ Jason said.

***

Amy was spectacularly drunk. She was jumping in place and nodding her head in time to the music.

‘I don’t envy her babysitter,’ Joyce said.

‘I believe that her parents are caring for the child,’ Kent said.

‘Mine would be furious if I picked up Bev and Tony drink,’ Joyce said. She thought about it. ‘Or if I was ever drunk. Very old fashioned.’

Kent nudged her shoulder. ‘You don’t have to tell them,’ he said in a mock-whisper. ‘You’re a grown-up now.’

Joyce kicked his ankle. ‘Shush, the cool kids will hear you!’

‘The cool kid is right here,’ Sue said.

Kent sipped his drink. ‘So, I once dated the coolest girl in school? I can live with that.’

‘I once dated the school nerd,’ Sue retorted.

‘I’ll have you know I was a jock,’ Kent said. ‘I was on the basketball team.’

The two women looked him up and down critically.

‘Really?’ Sue asked.

‘He’s quite tall,’ Joyce said.

‘Skinny,’ Sue said.

‘Everyone is skinny compared to Ben,’ Joyce said.

Kent waved his hands. ‘Basketball rewards height certainly, speed, and agility, but not girth. That’s irrelevant.’

Joyce started to grin.

Sue looked at Kent from under her lashes. ‘Are you self-conscious about your girth, Kent?’

Joyce sniggered.

‘I take it back, neither of you are adults,’ he said.

‘Let’s ask Jason what he thinks,’ Sue suggested. ‘We know he’s very interested in adults. The more adult the better.’

Kent raised an eyebrow. ‘Envious?’

‘Am I envious that an intelligent, attractive, very young man is making puppy dog eyes at you and hanging on your every word?’ Sue asked. ‘Yes. But at least it’s you and not Dan. That would be intolerable.’

‘It was very sweet when you danced with him,’ Joyce said. ‘He enjoyed it.’

‘He’s worried about leaving Iwana when he goes to college.’ Kent swirled his wine around in the glass. ‘He works very hard. He deserves a little fun.’

‘You could have given him more fun than that,’ Joyce said.

‘Excise me?’

‘Not sex! But a kiss wouldn’t kill you,’ she said.

‘He’s a child,’ Kent said. ‘He’s _Ben’s_ child. I’m old enough to be his father.’

‘Grandfather,’ Sue suggested.

He frowned at her. ‘Thank you _so_ much.’

Joyce gently slapped his arm. ‘Jason is his own person, not just Ben’s son. You don’t think of me mostly as Ben’s widow, do you?’

Kent hesitated. ‘Well...’ He shifted from foot to foot. ‘You are Ben’s widow.’

‘Is this some kind of patriarchy thing? You think men own wives and children?’ Joyce demanded.

Sue shook her head. ‘He doesn’t think that. He’s Kent. Look at him. He can barely ask a woman out without accidentally insulting her or making her think he’s a creep.’

Kent reddened. He put his glass down. ‘I’ve obviously outstayed my welcome. Goodnight.’

‘You know what I mean,’ Sue protested as he walked away.

‘It’s very clear what both of you think of me,’ he said.


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn’t often that Kent worked the weekend. There were times now when it was required, but not many. So, he was out when the calls came. Riding his bike in a charity convoy. The speaker in his helmet chimed as the little tinny voice said the name of the caller and asked if he wanted to pick up.

He said yes.

Thirty seconds later, he nearly drove off the road.

***

It was the same hospital. The same antiseptic smell. The same flickering lights and humming machinery. The same panic and horror churning in his stomach.

Joyce stood up when she saw him. Her skin was waxy. Her eyes were dark and blank.

‘Joyce, what –’

‘Will you talk to Jason?’ she asked, taking his hand, and towing him towards a small room. ‘He won’t listen to us.’

‘Okay, but –’

Misery has a sound. A smell. It always slipped from Kent’s memory until it was present again. The tiny room was full of it. Jason was on a gurney, rocking back and forth, despite Iwana’s attempt to hold him still. His eyes were red and swollen, clotted with hours and hours of tears. They streamed down his face, almost unnoticed.

‘I’m sorry, Joyce,’ he mumbled. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry...’

‘It’s not your fault!’ She spun to face Kent. ‘Tell him! They were just driving back from camp. Some semi driver fell asleep. He hit them!’

Kent ran his fingers through his hair. He sat on the gurney next to Jason and put his arm around Jason’s shoulders.

Jason looked at him. ‘I messed up! I should... I should...’

‘Stop,’ Kent said softly. ‘I know the idea that something horrible could happen randomly is terrifying, but it’s true. This wasn't your fault.’

Jason wiped his face with his sleeve. ‘If I’d taken another route this wouldn’t have happened.’

Joyce swore loudly in Chinese. ‘Are you God?’

‘Don’t yell at him,’ Iwana said gently. He already feels bad.’

‘I want him to stop feeling bad! This isn’t his fault!’

Kent squeezed Jason’s shoulder. ‘You probably thought that you didn’t have to worry about women screaming at you. But you don’t have to date them to get them this mad at you.’

Joyce swatted Kent’s shoulder. ‘I’m yelling at him because I care.’

He looked her in the eye. ‘I know. That’s my point.’

Jason looked at Iwana. ‘I’m sorry, mom.’

Iwana stroked his face. ‘You don’t have to be.’

Kent patted Jason’s back. ‘Were you hurt? Do you have to stay?

‘Bumps and bruises and broken ribs,’ Iwana said.

‘I’m okay,’ Jason and, standing up. He scrubbed his eyes with his sleeve. ‘Do you need me to do something?’

Kent glanced at Joyce and then back at Jason.

‘I think the best thing you can do is go home,’ Kent said. ‘But –’

‘Kent will look after Joyce today,’ Iwana said firmly. ‘We go home, you sleep, and tomorrow we’ll come look after her. Okay?’

Joyce nodded. ‘Yes. Go home.’ she kissed his cheek. ‘Tomorrow.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said to her.

‘Go on,’ Joyce said. ‘Go.’

Iwana gave Joyce a kiss on the cheek, and patted Kent’s shoulder awkwardly, as she and Jason left.

‘That was dramatic,’ Kent said.

‘He’s Ben’s son.’ Joyce rubbed her eye. ‘All the men are drama queens.’

‘Where’s Tony?’ Kent asked quietly.

‘My mom took him home. Broken leg but he’s okay. Bev’s the one…’ She started to cry quietly.

Kent gently put his arms around her.

***

Kent put the little pile of paper cups and snack wrappers into the garbage. When he turned around, a doctor was walking over to Joyce. Kent walked over quickly.

‘Mr and Mrs Cafferty?’

‘Mr Cafferty has passed away,’ Kent said.

Joyce took his hand. ‘You can say anything in front of Kent.’

The doctor didn’t react. ‘Bev came through the surgery fine. However, she’s still very poorly. We’ll have a better idea in the next few days.’

Joyce caught her breath. ‘She might still…’

‘It’s too early to say,’ the doctor said. ‘I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.’

‘Is there anything that we can do?’ Kent asked.

The doctor shrugged. ‘She’s asleep at the moment. In the morning she’ll be probably not be very aware of things but I’m sure she’ll appreciate any company.’

‘Can we see her?’ Joyce asked.

‘For a couple minutes,’ the doctor said. ‘I suggest that you go home and get some sleep.’

‘I can wait,’ she said.

‘No,’ Kent said.

She stared at him wide-eyed. ‘My little girl needs me!’

‘As does your little boy,’ Kent said. ‘Neither of them will be well served by you being exhausted. You need to ensure that you’re well rested.’

‘Your friend is right,’ the doctor said. ‘This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint.’

‘Did you come on your bike?’ Joyce asked, touching Kent’s leather jacket.

‘No, I drove home and got an Uber. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying.’ Kent opened the door for her, and followed her outside.

‘I bet Jason liked it,’ she suggested, trying to smile.

‘I don’t know. I think suits and ties might be his thing,’ Kent suggested.

Joyce took his hand and held it tightly. ‘Would you drive? I don’t feel safe.’

‘Sure.’

Joyce drove an SUV, bigger and a different feel entirely than Kent's Jaguar. He was used to a lower centre of gravity, and classic controls. Joyce’s SUV had more knobs and buttons than an airline carrier.

‘Were you riding?’ she asked. ‘Or on a very kinky date?’

Normally he would ignore a question like that. But he knew why she was asking. When you can do nothing bit wait and worry, distraction, almost any distraction, is a blessing.

‘I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I was on a ride,’ he said. ‘We’re raising money for research into childhood leukaemia.’

She leaned against the car door. ‘Are you going to get in trouble for leaving?’

‘It’s a motorcycle club, not the mafia.’

Joyce tilted her head. ‘So,... never been investigated by the police?’

He groaned. ‘Yes. We aren’t criminals. There is a small minority of motorcycle gangs that participate in crimes. We are a club, we are motorcycle enthusiasts, we have female members.’

‘Do they ride on the back of the bikes?’ Joyce teased. ‘Do they wear little leather vests and those Daisy Duke shorts?’

He shot her a look. ‘You should be ashamed of yourself. Degrading women in such a shocking manner.’

‘Do you ride on one the back of one of _their_ bikes?’

Kent snorted. ‘No. Everyone has their own bike. Except when Catherine Meyer came along to shoot her documentary.’

‘I remember that! What happened to it?’ she asked.

Kent shrugged. ‘Apparently the entire hard drive disappeared. I suspect Catherine accidently recorded something damaging and President Meyer had it deposed of.’

‘That sounds worse than the bikers,’ Joyce said.

‘In many ways,’ Kent said.

***

Woofer almost knocked Kent over.

‘Sorry, he needs a walk,’ Joyce said, pressing her hand to her forehead. ‘He’s used to having lots or people around. He must wonder why we keep disappearing. First Ben and now Bev.’

Kent touched her shoulder. ‘I don’t think so. From his perspective people enter and leave every day with no rhyme or reason. It must be quite baffling. Things simply happen with any cause.’

Joyce leaned against him. ‘Feels normal to me.’

He rubbed her back. ‘Do you want me to take him for a walk?’

‘I don’t want to be alone.’ She rubbed her eyes. ‘Can we both go?’

Kent nodded. ‘How often do you walk him?’

‘Twice a day.’ Joyce stretched upwards.

Kent looked away from the strip of tummy that showed.

***

Joyce let Woofer off the leash in the park. Kent hurled the ball, and Woofer belted away after it.

‘Bev likes to throw sticks,’ Joyce said. ‘The ball can be soiled.’

‘Oh.’

Joyce smiled slightly and gave him a glove.

Woofer deposited the dripping ball at Kent’s feet. Kent put on the glove, wiped the ball on the grass, and threw it again.

‘She’s too little,’ Joyce said softly.

‘I know.’

‘How could this happen? This isn’t supposed to happen. It’s not fair!’ Joyce crumpled against him.

He closed his eyes. He hadn’t seen Bev, but he’d seen Ben. The needles still in his arms, the tube in his throat, and the half-open eyes. The half-open eyes were the worst part of it. Kent had nightmares about them. About the glazed expression.

Joyce’s cell blasted out. She swore furiously and scrabbled for it.

Kent moved a few feet away, and threw the ball again for the surprisingly patient Woofer. He tried to listen to the sound of dogs barking and families playing. Joyce deserved her privacy.

‘Are you fucking kidding me? Which one of you fucking assholes… no, no, I told you. I _told_ you she has diabetes... I told... It’s on her medical alert bracelet! Don’t you tell me to calm down! I’m a nurse! I know this a fuck-up!’

She terminated the call and sank down onto the bench.

‘Is Bev...’ Kent trailed off.

‘They gave her contraindicated meds!’ Joyce said, blankly. ‘She has insulin! They poisoned her!’ She threw up her hands. ‘That’s why... Now they gave her the medication to counteract the effects and boom!’

Kent winced. ‘Boom?’

‘Her vitals.’ She looked at his baffled expression. ‘She’s going to be okay.’

Kent sank on to the seat beside her. ‘Oh, thank God.’

Joyce threw the ball for Woofer. ‘I’m going to see them penniless. On the street!’

‘Yes,’ Kent said. ‘But perhaps take a few minutes to think about Bev being okay?’

She shook her head. ‘If I do I’ll start crying then I won’t stop. She looked at him. 'I don’t want to do that in public. At home. Privately.’

Kent nodded. ‘I get it.’

Joyce looked at him. ‘Are you okay?’

Kent nodded too quickly. ‘Sure’

She brushed her fingers through his hair. ‘Did going to the hospital bring stuff back? Stuff about Ben.’

‘I think about him a lot,’ Kent admitted. ‘It made me think about things I’ve been trying to avoid. When he was lying there afterwards. When he wasn’t my friend any more. When he wasn’t a person anymore.’

Joyce squeezed his hand. ‘I need to go home now.’

‘Shit, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay,’ Joyce said, scrubbing her eyes.

‘I’m sorry,’ Kent said again.

Joyce shook her head. ‘You haven’t done anything wrong.’

***

Kent crept downstairs and across to the couch. He curled his legs underneath him as he found the number on his cell. It rang three times before she answered.

‘It’s six a.m., Kent. I’m doing yoga,’ Sue said.

‘I... I’ve done something terrible and I needed to talk about it,’ he said quietly.

There was a long pause.

‘Do I need to bring tools? Should I wear waterproofs?’

Kent pressed his palm to his forehead. ‘Tools and waterproofs?’

‘Will there be digging?’ Sue asked. ‘Are we going to bury some… _thing_.’

Kent opened and closed his mouth several times. ‘No,’ he said in a very calm voice. ‘I didn’t call you to get help disposing of a body.’

‘Oh.’

‘Are you... disappointed?’ he asked.

Sue turned down the music in the background. ‘You have your bucket list, Kent, and I have mine. Is this about Ben’s daughter? Amy said she was expected to make a full recovery.’

Kent glanced through the door. ‘Yes, apparently some medical incompetence initially confused the situation quite alarmingly.’

‘And?’

‘Look, it was a very emotional situation,’ Kent said. ‘And things have been very stressful and intense for months.’

Sue sighed audibly. ‘You slept with Joyce.’

‘I…Yes.’

‘It wasn’t a question,’ Sue said sternly. ‘Are you still there?’

‘Yes, I just woke up.’ Kent tensed as he heard Woofer padding around upstairs.

‘I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,’ she said. ‘You can tell Joyce there’s an emergency at work.’

‘Right,’ Kent said unhappily.

‘If you run away without saying anything you’ll regret it,’ she said more gently.

‘Yeah,’ I know.’

He stretched as he stood. He didn’t often regret romantic encounters. Mostly because he didn’t enter into them quickly or thoughtlessly. He regretted how some of his romantic relationships had ended. Even when he didn’t have any bitterness, there had been friendships lost, and to some degree he mourned those friendships more than the romantic aspect. A friendship could continue into a romantic encounter, but they rarely survived the end of it. His friendship with Sue had developed after their breakup. Largely after she married. Not that he had known that at the time.

Kent put his head around the bedroom door. Joyce was lay in bed, face down.

‘Joyce? I have to go. I’ll... uh, I’ll text you.’

‘Huh?’ she muttered, raising her head, and looking at him over her shoulder.

‘I have to go. Work stuff,’ Kent said. ‘Sorry. Sorry.’

She rubbed her face. ‘Will I see you later?’

He licked his lips. ‘I’ll come to the hospital about six.’

‘Oh. Okay.’ She dropped her head back to the pillow. ‘Be nice to see you earlier,’ she mumbled.

Kent shut the door and quietly made his way down the stairs again.

Woofer was lying across the bottom step. Kent groaned and hopped over him.

He wasn’t a dog person. Kent didn’t _dislike_ dogs, in his experience dog people disliked cats far more than cat people disliked dogs, but he was always fairly wary of them. He rather expected Woofer to take against him, as if defending Ben’s honour beyond the grave.

Instead Woofer raised his head, and gave a quiet, interrogative bark.

Kent gave him a tentative, uncertain pat on the head. ‘Good, uh, dog.’

Woofer licked his hand.

Perhaps it should have felt like vindication. It didn’t. 

***

Sue picked him up outside Joyce’s house, and drove to a rather nice restaurant nearby. They found a corner booth at the back, and ordered mimosas, and a brunch platter.

Kent pushed his scrambled eggs around his plate.

Sue sipped her mimosa. ‘Tell me.’

‘I… I don’t know quite what to say,’ he admitted. ‘I took Joyce home. Things were… intense. We had a drink. We talked. She kissed me.’ Kent stared down at his hands. ‘I knew it was a mistake. I knew it was the wrong thing to do.’

‘Why?’ Sue asked. ‘You’re both adults. You’re both free and single.’

Kent sighed deeply. ‘Her daughter is in the hospital. I took advantage of her.’

‘Bullshit,’ she said crisply. ‘You have your faults, Kent. We dated, so I feel quite qualified in saying that. You are _not_ manipulative or abusive.’

He closed his eyes. ‘Sue, what I did was unforgiveable.’

‘Why did you call me?’ she asked.

‘What?’

Sue folded her hands together. ‘Am I here because you want forgiveness or punishment? It’s not my place to do either.’ She raised her eyebrow. ‘And as much enjoyment as both of us might have once gained from my punishing you, that time is past, and in any case, you don’t deserve it.’

Kent played with his fork. ‘Sue, we both know that I couldn’t take advantage of you if I tried. Joyce is different. She’s vulnerable.’

Sue carefully screwed up a napkin and threw it at his head. ‘Don’t be an ass.’

‘Don’t throw things at me.’

‘Joyce is a fully-grown woman,’ she said. ‘Don’t infantilise her.’

Kent winced. ‘Why do I feel so guilty?’

‘If I understood the vagaries of your emotions then I would be a world class therapist,’ she said tartly. She prodded her food with her fork. ‘You are still mourning Ben,’ she said more gently. ‘Joyce is mourning Ben. It’s understandable that you would feel conflicted.’

Kent winced. ‘Doubtless he would find the entire situation extremely amusing.’

‘Doubtless.’ Sue sipped her mimosa. ‘What are you going to do about Joyce?’

Kent shook his head. ‘I don’t know.’

***

He spent the day catching up on work and trying to ignore the gnawing anxiety in his stomach. In the afternoon, he texted Iwana. She didn’t “do” telephone calls, they made her deeply uncomfortable. She texted back that they had just returned from the hospital, and that Kent should come over for coffee.

That had been Jason’s suggestion. Iwana seemed largely oblivious to social niceties. Kent had privately wondered how she and Ben ever got married.

‘I thought perhaps you were upset still about the book,’ Kent said, when she invited him inside her neat little house.

She clucked her tongue. ‘Ben left three wives ago.’ She waved her hand. ‘What’s a prostitute to me?’

‘You all seem to get on,’ he suggested.

‘Joyce is a good person. The others... meh!’ She took him through to the kitchen.

Kent fidgeted with the saucepans hanging from hooks as Iwana made coffee. ‘How is Jason?’

‘Sore. Feeling sorry for himself.’ She pulled a face. ‘Police talked to him for a long time. Bastards.’

‘Right.’

Jason walked in, favouring his side. He looked worse now than he had the day before, but he smiled at Kent. ‘Hi.’

Kent managed a nod.

Iwana said something in a language Kent didn’t recognise. Jason reddened.

‘I should go,’ Kent said, slamming down his cup, spilling coffee.

‘See?’ Iwana asked.

‘I’ve got a cloth,’ Jason said, mopping up the coffee. He looked at Kent. ‘She just said you’re in a bad mood.’

‘Which he is,’ she said.

‘Mom! That doesn’t help! Jeez, go yell at Piotr or something.’ James rolled his eyes at Kent as she left.

‘Who’s Piotr?’

‘Her boyfriend.’ Jason shrugged. ‘She’d deny it, but he is.’

Kent snorted. ‘A secret boyfriend?’

Jason scratched his head. ‘She hasn’t dated since dad. She’s nervous, you know?’

Kent nodded. ‘It’s more difficult when you’re older, particularly if you’re not... socially adept. You might crave intimacy and connection but at the same time it’s frightening.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I imagine.’

‘Sue thinks you need a girlfriend,’ Jason said gently. ‘But she thinks I need a boyfriend. Maybe she just wants everyone paired up.’

‘You might be right,’ Kent agreed.

Jason turned the coffee machine on. ‘I’m not going to ever bring a guy home to meet my dad. He’s never gonna see any of his kids get married.’

Kent gently patted his shoulder. ‘Ben knew who and what you are,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what he did or didn’t tell you, but I know he was proud of you, and the man you’re becoming.’

Jason leaned against Kent. Not crying. Just pressed against him. ‘I miss him,’ he said quietly.

‘I know,’ Kent said.

After a few seconds the coffee machine buzzed in the silence. Jason sighed and stepped back. ‘So, what happening with you?’

‘Nothing,’ Kent said automatically.

‘Ugh, why don’t straight guys ever admit they’re in a mood?’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘Cultural pressures I suspect.’ He played with his cup and his smile disappeared. ‘I did something I regret. Made a poor choice.’

‘Can you fix it?’

‘No,’ Kent said quietly. ‘I can apologise but it can’t be undone.’

Jason nodded. ‘Yeah. I slept with my friend’s boyfriend. I was drunk, but that’s no excuse. I said sorry, but things were never the same.’

‘That’s what I’m afraid of,’ Kent admitted.

‘Don’t mess where you eat, that’s what Dad said.’ Jason pulled a face. ‘Not, don’t sleep with other people’s boyfriends, just keep it people you don’t know.’

Kent snorted. ‘That would be been wildly hypocritical.’

‘I guess.’ Jason poured coffee. ‘Is that what you did?’

‘No, not... not exactly,’ Kent said. ‘I’ve never done that.’

Jason set his shoulders. ‘Do you think less of me now?’

‘You do it again?’

‘No, never.’

Kent shrugged. ‘Then it’s just an error of judgement. I don’t think less of you for that. We all commit them. Especially when we’re young.’ He covered his eyes. ‘I, however, have no such excuse.’

‘I’d forgive you,’ Jason said. ‘Whatever you did.’

Kent patted his arm. ‘You’re very kind.’

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Joyce had been raising hell at the hospital. Kent had spent years walking into unexpectedly tense situations and he knew the scent of them. Reading the room at a moment was a skill every staffer quickly learned, even the idiots. Even Jonah.

Bev was sat up in bed. She looked pale, and was annoyed by the array of sensors stuck to her skin, but seemed in high spirits otherwise. Tony was bouncing around the room, being fielded by two older people Kent assumed were Joyce’s parents.

Joyce turned to face him. She set her shoulders.

Shit.

‘Good, you’re here,' she said. ‘Let’s talk in the next room.’

Kent gave a half-hearted wave to Bev, and handed the teddy bear he was holding to Joyce’s mom. He walked into the next room. As he closed the door, Joyce sank down onto a chair.

‘My parents won’t leave,’ she said throwing up her hands. ‘They’re driving me crazy.’

‘Should I leave?’ Kent offered.

‘How would that help?’ She put her head in her hands.

‘I could ask them to leave?’ he offered weakly. ‘Is Tony going home with you or –’

‘Yes.’ Joyce blew her nose. ‘Would you do that? I don’t want another argument. I’ve been yelling at doctors and lawyers all day.’

Kent nodded. ‘Right, I can do that.’

She caught his hand as he turned away. ‘Thank you.’

He mumbled ‘sure,’ and fled back to Bev’s room.

Joyce’s father was rearranging Bev’s things. Her mother was trying to bush Tony’s hair.

Kent cleared his throat. ‘Excuse me, Joyce would like some quiet time with the children.’

‘Who are you?’ her mother asked.

‘That’s Kent,’ Bev said, tugging her sleeve. ‘He’s daddy’s friend.’

‘Perhaps you might visit in the next few days,’ Kent suggested. ‘You can call Joyce and arrange a time tomorrow.’

She took a deep breath. ‘These are my grandchildren.’

Kent stepped closer and lowered his voice.

‘Joyce is a widow,’ he said. ‘Her children were in an extremely serious car accident. You can support her by giving her the space she needs. That is why you’re here isn’t it? Not some utterly selfish attempt to control the situation.’

‘You are a bastard,’ she said.

‘I’m Ben’s best friend,’ Kent said. ‘You can either justify his antipathy to you by continuing to make a scene in front of the children or prove him wrong by leaving.’

Her husband tugged at her arm. Kent turned around. Joyce was in the door.

‘You want us to leave?’

‘Yes,’ Joyce said.

‘You could have said,’ her father complained.

‘I’ve been saying for hours,’ Joyce grumbled.

Her parents left, grumbling and throwing unhappy looks at Kent.

‘Don’t think you won them over,’ Joyce said.

Kent shrugged. ‘I’ve offended more people than I can remember.’ He straightened his shirt. ‘It’s not as if I’m likely to see them again.’

Joyce cocked her head. ‘Where did you run off to this morning?’

‘I told you I had to go,’ he said weakly.

She folded her arms. ‘I haven’t dated in a long time, Kent, but I know what “I have a morning meeting,” means.’

Kent nodded towards the kids. ‘They’re listening.’

She walked to the corner of the room. Kent groaned quietly to himself as he followed.

‘Well?’ she asked.

‘I needed to clear my head,’ he said. ‘We both know that last night was a mistake –’

‘Don’t tell me what I know,’ she interrupted.

Kent put his hands on his hips. ‘Leaving was possibly cowardly.’

‘Yes, it was. I thought you were better than that.’

Kent set his jaw. ‘I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have left in the morning.’

‘That’s what you have to say? It shouldn’t have happened? It was a mistake?’ Joyce demanded.

Kent spread out his hands. ‘I’m _apologising_ , Joyce. I didn’t set out to take advantage of you. Nonetheless, I did. I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry.’

She stared at him. Arms tightly folded. Lips pursed. Her foot tapping ‘You should go,’ she said.

‘Okay.’

‘That’s what you wanted since you came in.’

Kent looked down at his feet.

‘I saw Sue,’ Joyce said. ‘She picked you up outside the house.’

He nodded. ‘I needed to talk to someone.’

‘You should have talked to me.’

***

Kent went home. Cleaned. Fed the cat. Put in a load of laundry. Made his dinner. He was contemplating the dishes when his doorbell rang.

‘You look miserable,’ Sue said.

‘You would know.’

She raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you going to let me in?’

‘Of course.’

They went through to the kitchen and Kent put water on to boil. ‘Is there a problem?’ he asked.

‘I hope not,’ she said. ‘I don’t expect there to be.’ She sat at the table and crossed her legs. ‘I wanted to discuss a work-related issue in a more relaxed environment.’

Kent winced. ‘Please tell me that you’re not quitting.’

‘No.’

‘Thank God for that.’

‘You’re over-exaggerating to flatter me,’ she said, but she looked pleased. ‘No. However we have decided, after a great deal of discussion and negotiation, to have a baby.’

Kent almost dropped the cup he was holding. ‘Oh. Wait, negotiation?’

‘I earn more,’ she said flatly. ‘I will return to work immediately and he will care for the infant.’

Kent smiled. ‘I thought you didn’t like children.’

‘I don’t.’ She accepted a cup of tea from him. ‘However, I am reasonably confident that I will grow to like my own.’

‘Reasonably confident?’

She frowned. ‘If you can care for Ben’s miscellaneous offspring then I can care for my own.’

Kent shook his head. ‘That is hardly the same.’

‘It’s a similar enough principle,’ she insisted. ‘Don’t question me.’

‘I’m your friend, it’s my job to question you,’ Kent said.

She waved her hand. ‘The issue is that there may be times when I need to have medical appointments or have sex.’

Kent raised his eyebrows.

‘Fertility is a narrow window,’ she said. ‘A couple days a month. During those couple days there are particular hot spots. Obviously, I will make up any lost time.’

He sat down. ‘Most people just have sex for a while.’

‘I’m not twenty anymore.’ She sipped her tea. ‘This is important to me, Kent. I would like to have your support.’

He touched the back of her hand. ‘If this is what you want, then you have my total support.’

‘Thank you.’ She kissed his cheek.

‘Please don’t have sex in the office,’ he said.

‘Don’t be a smart ass.’ She finished her up of tea. ‘Don’t you have any real drinks?’

Kent shook his head sadly. ‘You’re supposed to be trying to get pregnant.’

‘I’m not pregnant at this moment,’ she said. ‘And a glass of wine won’t stop me getting pregnant next week.’

Kent poured two glasses. ‘What happens next week?’

‘I ovulate.’

‘Ah.’

Sue leaned back in her chair. ‘Although I miss Ben, I do not regret that I don’t have to discuss this with him.’

Kent put his ankle up on his opposite knee. ‘I didn’t realise you felt that way.’

‘He was a very... expansive person,’ Sue said. She saw Kent’s expression ‘Not like that. In himself. A big personality, if not a happy one.’

‘I don’t think he would object to you starting a family.’

‘In company time?’ she asked.

Kent shrugged and sipped his wine. ‘Ben was never good at distinguishing between work and non-work. Work at home, drinking at work. I imagine he’d bluster and complain, and do everything to help you.’

She nodded. ‘Even so, I prefer to have the conversation with you.’

Kent looked at her for several seconds. ‘Sue, you will be an excellent mother, I have no doubt.’

She looked at him. Then down at herself. Then away. He saw her swallow hard, and set her jaw.

‘That was never in any doubt,’ she said.

If he hadn’t known her so well, then he might not have heard the tiny tremor in her voice. But if he hadn’t known her so well she wouldn’t have come to see him.

He squeezed her hand. ‘If you have a boy, you could call him Kent.'

‘Absolutely not.’ She returned the squeeze.

‘It was worth a shot,’ he said.

***

The house was very empty when she’d gone. Kent stood in the kitchen and tried to imagine what he would have done if, during their brief courtship, Sue had told him that she wanted children. He was too old for that. For babies and toddlers. Too set in his ways. Probably too selfish. He had no illusions that he would be a good father. Experience suggested he was a poor partner. Certainly, it was nothing unusual for him to be alone. Kent turned off the light, and went to the bathroom.

It didn’t used to bother him, being alone.

No. That wasn’t entirely true. Of late it hadn’t bothered him. There had been a time in his life, when he was a few years older than Jason, that it had bothered him. A few years of misery, of abject unhappiness.

It had taken him a long time to get over that. A long time to find other ways to fill his life. Friends were almost as difficult. But interests were easy. Boating. Running. Motor biking. He joined clubs. He took classes in writing, painting, and woodwork Gradually he got to know people. Not well. But a little here and there. Enough to feel better, to relax, and to find other people less problematic.

Kent went to the bedroom, undressed, meditated for fifteen minutes, and tried to go to sleep.

He remembered the warmth of Joyce’s body. The scent of her skin. Joyce wore a light, citrusy perfume. There had been tiny hints of it in the soft skin at the front of her elbows and at the nape of her neck. He had come home with traces of makeup on his shirt. He had showered at home. He had shoved his dirty clothes deep into the laundry.

He should have said goodbye properly.

He should have apologised.

He should have never slept with Joyce. She was Ben’s wife.

He should have never taken advantage of her.

***

Kent was getting ready to go for a run when someone banged on his door. He glanced through the window. Years of working in politics had made him wary for his security. He was very aware that to some he might still be considered a legitimate target.

Joyce’s car was parked outside.

Kent sighed, and he went to open the door.

‘Good morning, Joyce,’ he said, stepping aside to let her in. ‘Is there something wrong?’ He shut the door. ‘Something else, I mean.’

‘You didn’t come back,’ she said.

He looked at her blankly. ‘Come back?’

‘To the hospital.’

He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘You asked me to leave.’

‘Not forever! You were supposed to come back,’ she said.

He gave her a baffled look. ‘You said nothing to give me that impression.’

There was a clatter from the kitchen.

‘You got another woman in there?’ she asked tartly.

‘Yes, her name is Lily, she’s four years old, and likes long naps and eating moths.’

‘What?’ she asked, following him into the kitchen. Lily, a chubby black and white cat, was sat in a pile of dry food she had knocked from the worktop.

‘Oh,’ Joyce said, picking up the container.

‘Greedy,’ Kent said to Lily. ‘You should be ashamed of yourself.’

She yawned at him.

They cleaned up the spilled food, despite Lily's protests, and Kent picked her up to check she wasn’t hurt. She batted at his nose.

‘Ow,’ he said. ‘Thank you.’

‘Cats always want to cat,’ Joyce said.

Kent put Lily down onto the floor. He straightened his shirt. ‘Are you going to tell me why you’re here?’

She tightly crossed her arms. ‘You were supposed to come back to the hospital and you didn’t, so I came here.’

 He leaned on the worktop. ‘That doesn’t make more sense to me with repetition.’

She threw up her arms. ‘You are infuriating! I know why Ben got so frustrated!’

‘Oh yes, please bring Ben up. That’s _exactly_ what I need to think about. When regretting sleeping with someone, talking about her husband is always helpful.’ Kent retorted.

‘How _dare_ you?’ she snarled, poked his chest. ‘I was in pain, I was afraid, I was lonely, and you call comforting me a mistake? You regret it? Fuck you!’

‘That isn’t –’

‘I’m talking!’ she growled, with enough anger to make him flinch. ‘Sleeping with you was the _only_ good thing to happen to me in months. I’m not going to apologise for it. It wasn’t a mistake and I don’t regret it.’

‘I have tried to be there for you and the kids,’ Kent protested.

‘For the kids, yes,’ she said. ‘You drive them here and there. You help me run chores. You are a good family friend.’

Kent shrugged but his face was tight. ‘That’s all I wanted.’

‘I see the way you look at me sometimes,’ she said. ‘You hide behind Ben, behind any excuse, anything other than admit how you feel.’

Kent caught his breath.

‘Don’t do that!’ Joyce snapped.

‘Don’t breathe?’ he demanded.

‘Don’t count to ten!’ She pushed his chest. ‘Lose your temper! Do it!’

‘I don’t want to!’

‘Grow some balls!’

‘I’m not Ben!’ Kent shot back.

Joyce pushed back her hair. ‘I don’t want you to be,’ she said quietly. ‘Nobody wants that. But Ben is gone, Kent. It’s been nearly a year, and he would understand us both moving on.’

‘I don’t understand,' Kent said.

‘Yes, you do.’ She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the mouth.

‘We can’t do this, Kent said softly.

Joyce pushed him backwards until the table pressed against his thighs. He sat down on the table.

‘Okay,’ she said, climbing onto his lap. ‘Look me in the eye. Tell me you don’t care for me.’

He touched her hair. ‘You know that’s not the point.’

She unbuckled his belt. ‘I know what the point is, better than you do.’ She shucked off her jacket. ‘When did you last go on a date? Ask a woman out?’

‘I’m busy, he said weakly.

Joyce kissed him. He cradled her face in his hands.

‘It’s okay to be nervous,’ she said. ‘I’m nervous too.’

Kent returned the kiss. ‘Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.’ He dropped kisses around her mouth. ‘Under the circumstances.’

Joyce pulled her blouse over her head. ‘When I get nervous I attack. You get nervous and you run away.’

Kent unbuttoned his shirt. ‘That’s an unwise strategy.’

‘It’s getting you laid,’ she said, pushing him flat.

‘Let me know how it works when you see a mugger.’ Kent looked up at her.

Joyce put her hands on the table on either side of his head. ‘Any mugger comes near me will get shot in the dick.’

‘Oof.’

She smiled and pulled down his jeans. ‘It’s okay. Me blowing you away is gonna be much more fun.’

* * *

‘This is very unhygienic,’ Joyce said to Lily. ‘You should not be on the kitchen counters.

‘Your bare butt is on the table top right now,’ Kent said. He stood up, pulling up his jeans.

Joyce groaned. ‘That doesn’t sound right.’

‘I assure you it’s true.’ He leaned over to have a look from another angle. ‘Your butt is definitely on the table.’

Joyce moved her hand. ‘No, I mean you saying “butt” sounds wrong.

‘What should I say?’ he asked.

Joyce sat up. ‘I don’t know. It just sounds weird from you.’

Kent buttoned up his shirt. ‘I think you have a rather inaccurate view of me,’ he said mildly.

Joyce pulled up her panties. ‘We could get to know each other better,’ she suggested.

Kent put his hand on his waist. ‘Like dating?’

‘Yeah.’ She looked away as she shrugged. ‘You know. If you want.’ She buttoned up her blouse. ‘Now we’ve got all the preliminaries out of the way like wild sex on a table.’ She glanced at him. ‘Do you think you might want to… see each other?’

He smiled slightly. ‘I thought when you were nervous you attacked.’

‘Yup.’ She fiddled with her skirt. ‘I’m not nervous.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re not?’

‘Nope.’ She straightened her sleeves. ‘Little anxious.’

‘Ah.’ He touched her hand. ‘That being completely different.’

‘Right. And it’s only like... a scooch of anxiety anyway,’ she said.

‘Okay,’ Kent said.

‘Okay?’ she asked.

‘Let’s get coffee one day.’

Joyce gaped at him. ‘You wanna start with coffee?

Kent nodded. ‘I have more than a “scooch” of anxiety. A lot more, actually. Therefore, I’d like to... not rush into anything.’

She put her hand on his forearm and squeezed. ‘Like not randomly have wild monkey sex on the kitchen table?’

‘Like that, sure,’ he said.

Joyce kissed his cheek. ‘Okay.’

***

Bev came home amid much fanfare. Joyce’s parents had to be firmly asked to leave at a little after one am. The looks they gave Kent as they left, made it clear they had guessed why he was still there.

***

Iwana, nervous and awkward, brought Piotr with her to BKD for the anniversary memorial of Ben’s death.

***

Sue came to work distracted and distant. When Kent asked her if there was a problem, she showed him scans of her healthy baby girl.

Amy expanded her client portfolio, and in time was invited to become a junior partner.

Sue’s application to become a junior partner was agreed unanimously.

***

At Christmas, Jason came to the BKD Christmas party with his new boyfriend, Jack.

‘That’s my dad,’ Jason said, pointing at a photograph on the wall. ‘He looks kind of weird because he’s happy. I don’t think he was used to being happy.’

‘He had his moments,’ Kent said.

‘We should drink to him?’ Iwana suggested.

***

Joyce pulled Kent under the mistletoe.

‘People are watching,’ Kent said.

‘Yes, because they want to see you kiss me,’ she said. ‘Are you gonna disappoint them?’

He cupped her face, and kissed her gently.

The End.

 

 

 

 


End file.
